God's Working, Bringing the Light

We sit around the kitchen table after a particularly tough morning workout eating our breakfast of eggs and bagels and apples.  We are blessed to have this “family” time with each other before we each head off to our first day working with our respective outreach partners. Dionte, Madison and I are headed off to Right Moves for Youth. Rachelle is going to Crisis Assistance Ministries and Michael will be at 2xSalt for the day. 

            For those of us going to RMFY, it’s our first day of middle school all over again. I am hesitant about this placement, I don’t want to experience the pain of knowing what these kids are going through. I don’t know how to interact with middle school kids who had seen more in their lifetime than I have in mine. I don’t feel like I have enough wisdom, enough knowledge, enough skill with kids to be a leader in this school. I’m uncomfortable. I’m uncomfortable for Christ. My heart breaks for these kids. And as I step through the doors of Ashley Park Elementary school, I feel the prayer I’ve prayed so many times not realizing what I was asking for come true- Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours. Use me Lord to bring glory to Your name. You have my life, use it to make changes in this world.  

            We lead a group of 18 middle school boys into a classroom for their RMFY meeting time. School has just started, thank you Lord for allowing us to be the very first thing these kids encounter today. Thank you that though pain may come in the night, joy comes in the morning. May we be a source of joy here.  Help us show these kids love and set a tone in our meetings for each boy to have a great day at school today.  Dionte, Madison and I introduce ourselves to the boys and break into small groups of five students each. We begin with the facilitation of conversations about the best players currently in the NFL to warm the kids up to us. My group argues over whether Tom Brady or Aaron Rogers is the better QB to add to our fantasy football team in order to beat all the other teams. They start to talk amongst themselves and ask me joking questions about my preference of players that I’ve never heard of.

            We then move on to discuss who the boys think the greatest role model of their generation is. We hear everything from Martin Luther King Jr. (not exactly your generation, squirt) to Lebron to My Dad to Michael Jordan and everything in between. The end result - after many arguments over various athletic superstars - is Barrack Obama “because he was the first black president.”

            His contributions of “lowering taxes” and “giving money to the shelters” also make him a stand-out candidate in the eyes of the students.

            The boys meeting is coming to a close, the final activity today is arranging themselves in alphabetical order by first name without speaking. They take turns going down the line telling us their names and one fact about themselves. Most cop out and share the number of siblings they have, or which street basketball team they play on. One kid is courageous and unapologetic as he steps up and tells us “I love to clean. I’ve got that ODC,” to which we all burst out laughing and let him know that the disorder is in fact, OCD. The bell rings and the boys are given a brief opportunity to ask Dionte, Madison and I any questions that they may have for us.  

            “Yea, I have one – are y’all coming back?”

            And there it is – the confirmation that we are right where we are supposed to be. We know we are here to bring about restoration. And we’re here to be consistent sources of light in the lives of these kids.

Meeting the Outreach Partners

It’s 6:05 AM and my iPhone alarm is going off. Why are we awake this early?

We stumble out of bed and downstairs still trying to wipe the sleep out of our eyes as all the Urbanites arrive on the scene down in the parking lot of The Summit. The city is still asleep – darkness blankets these streets that God has chosen us to impact. We run around a block and shuffle and squat and stretch as part of our first SOUL (Strength of Urban Life) workout together. We encourage each other. As we follow behind David, our leader who plays so well his role of leading while living among us, I’m struck by this illustration of our dynamic as a group. We are family, we work hard together, we lift each other up, we follow after David who sets the bar high for us yet he is one of us, we challenge each other, we are vulnerable with each other, we laugh together, we are not ashamed – we are stronger together.

We’re meeting our outreach partners today. A whirlwind tour around the community to visit the strategic organizations we will be pouring into this year. Our first stop is Beds for Kids – I don’t know what to expect walking into a warehouse with a small sign in front. We are immediately welcomed by Bryan, Jess and Alan - three men that are walking in crazy obedience to the Lord and trusting wholly in His provision. They just keep being blessed. Over and over and over, because they trust that it will happen, they know they can't do it on their own so they are just letting God do His work through them. It’s an amazing environment. They are amazing men of God. I love it! I would be so comfortable here.

            Our next outreach partner that we visit is Right Moves for Youth. We walk into an all white office and meet some amazing people who have a passion for seeing inner city kids succeed and graduate high school with a plan for their futures. We are blessed with cinch sacks and water bottles and stickers and handbooks of curriculum that they have prepared for us. Shannon Hames the Development Director at Right Moves gives us a run down of a day in the life of these students. They are desperate for mentors. She shares stories of some of the kids’ situations and she is passionate about giving them opportunity "It’s a privilege to get to do this work,” she says. These kids need role models in their lives. They need consistency. They need a face that’s going to know their name and care about their day – we have the opportunity to be a driving force in motivating these middle-schoolers to graduate.

            Next we stop by 2xSalt, a ministry focusing on getting busy showing the love of Christ through mentoring, music and sports ministry.  The ministry campus and facilities are beautiful and the vision is on point. There are stages and recording studios where kids can perform or learn how to produce. There are dance classes, soccer games, and basketball games here all helping to cultivate talents in children and provide a place for these kids to go after school to be in a safe and Christ-centered environment. Ria and Alan and Bart take us on a tour through the entire facility and there is so much here for the kids in our city to be involved in, we can see how this place is going to lift up lives and get the next generation on the right track.

            We’re tired. We’ve been on tours and meeting with outreach partners all day. Our minds are almost to full capacity with information for one day and my legs are tired from standing all day and touring these amazing places that we get to come to this year to reach our community and our city – we pull up to Crisis Assistance Ministries and we need to be refreshed.  We are introduced to Susan Neal who is bops through the halls of Crisis Assistance with a true passion for what she does. She laughs and giggles and delights in sharing with us her heart’s work here in this place. She gives us loads of information and cracks jokes and hammers home the analogy of CAM being an emergency room with triage patients being served first.

           

            She is doing what she can with what she has – Susan is living and serving every single day. We pray for her and lay hands on her and I’m thankful to have met her – the Lord knew that she was exactly the right person to end our day visiting these amazing partners that we are blessed to serve.

Retreat

I’m thankful. Thankful for the breeze from the ceiling fan blowing my hair around slightly and putting me at ease. Thankful for my tight and slightly burnt skin that soaked up the sun today on the lake on one of the last days of summer. Thankful for this unlikely family that surrounds me. Thankful for the opportunity for retreat and for bonding with these amazing people that were hand chosen by God to be here at this time for this purpose under this vision. I’m thankful for the jokes we already have together. And for our dynamic that works so well to take any situation and easily transition it into a deep talk about faith or an impromptu worship session. I’m thankful for the blessing of this beautiful house we’re able to stay in this weekend and for Michael’s parents’ generosity in that. I’m thankful to see the relationship he has with his parents – I strive to one day have a relationship like that with mine.

I’m thankful for this setting, thankful that I can see God’s hand in all things so easily – that I can look out across a lawn and some woods and see a sparkling breathtaking lake with picture-esque clouds in a brilliant blue sky and trees of all kinds all around me. And beyond that: rolling mountains with shadows of clouds moving from valley to peak as the day progresses.

Our faith is a journey across mountains. There are valleys, and there are peaks. I’m at the top of the mountain these last few days. I can’t stop praising my God who pours out graces on me daily, undeserved, just because He loves me! My Father loves me.  I was richly blessed by God and received a miracle a few days ago. God provided for me in a very real and AWESOME way; right on time. I needed rent money or a subleaser for the apartment that I moved out of in the University area to join UrbanLife. I struggled to trust in God fully, I still gave in to a few anxiety attacks over money even when He led me multiple verses in Scripture that told me He would provide, He would help me, and that If I asked in faith, that He would give it to me. My rent was due on September 1, and that day came and went without an answer to my fervent prayers to God for financial help. I retreated to a quiet place to pray that day, and I pleaded to God to provide for me. I surrendered to Him, and I got a response a few days later: “Not yet, my child.”

God’s timing is perfect – and just like I learned from Christine Caine in the message preached when Jesus saved me – God’s appointed time is often after man’s due date. So I trusted. I trusted that God had my back. And I prayed, I prayed with the Urbanites on the morning of September 5^th (the last day to pay my rent) that I would have a miracle. That God would hear my cry. That the exact amount would be provided for me that day, and sure enough, at about 5pm that day I was blessed with $530, the exact amount. I had words of life spoken into me by an incredible spiritual mother who loves me as I received the blessing and was overwhelmed with praise for MY GOD WHO PROVIDES. Thank you Jesus. I praise you Lord!! I had time to get the money back to the university area and paid my rent on time thanks to an amazing man of God who always has my back and helped me get there. And thus, my confirmation that I am exactly where I need to be came. And UrbanLife had its first miracle in the first week.

This weekend we are at Michael’s family’s lakehouse. We’re celebrating miracles, we’re bonding, we’re casting vision, we’re brainstorming, and we are creating an atmosphere of expectation as we go forward in this year. We went out on the lake today. We jumped off of docks and my finger was smashed between the ladder and the dock within the first 2 minutes of lake fun resulting in a very swollen, purple pinky that was assuaged by Michael’s ancient remedy solution: a bowl of ice water for soaking. We then went out tubing on the boat and hung on until our arms felt like Jello and our legs couldn’t kick hard enough to get back up on the tube. The view was breathtaking and more than a few times I was struck by how richly blessed we are to be here, to be a part of this family, to be Urbanites, and to get to do God’s work. We had a blast.

Tonight we sat around playing board games, ate a barbeque dinner graciously prepared by Rachelle who honors us by cooking for the whole house so often. She’s amazing at showing love with her little notes and her meals and her hugs and the way she comes up to you in the middle of the day and says “I love you.” so sincerely.

After dinner most of the family went down to the campfire to cook and eat s’mores and look out over the lake at night as Mike played a soundtrack on his guitar. (There are stars way out here and the moon hung half full and bright and yellow in the sky. ) Dionte and I stayed up at the house and he read some of the book of Ecclesiastes out loud to me and we discussed what we read and some of what God is currently teaching us. I am so thankful for the way we communicate – no need for small talk we just dive right into such personal things as what God speaking to us now. Its amazing, and I’m grateful for this unencumbered conversation that binds us close and keeps us here, united together.

When Dionte and I made it down to the fire, everyone was quiet and staring out over the lake, up that the stars, sitting together in community with the ones we love around a blazing fire, for Our God is a consuming fire, with stars and the moon above us and the trees around us and the dirt beneath us its beautiful. And this moment is here and God’s grace is real and I feel joy in my heart all together. And suddenly, David is asking us what’s on our hearts. And Dionte responds with a shout of praise, and Rachelle’s heart is breaking for the world, and I am having a revolation among the heartbreak and the thankfulness and the uncertainty and the worship and the praise that is occurring out on this lake tonight. Around this fire. Under this sky. With these people. And the revolation is real – and I need to share.

I’m okay. I’m moldable and I’m new to my faith and I don’t know all the bible stories and I don’t ask as many questions as I probably should and I haven’t read the entire bible yet and sometimes I don’t know the words to the worship songs. And that’s okay. And yes, sometimes I have faith that looks easy, juvenile even. But its okay. God knows where I am, He knows who I am, and He knows what He’s teaching me. Its okay for me to be the grateful one – that I can contribute the praise to my Father in Heaven. It’s okay that I take things God teaches me as truth without questioning it. And its okay that I’m still learning and growing with the Lord as our own pace, independent from others’ faith walks. Its okay. Just like its okay that Natalie is in school right now and can’t live in the Summit, and that David is in his first leadership role and feels ill-equipped to lead us, and okay that Rachelle asks amazingly well thought out questions about things she sees, and Madison is the youngest at 18 and that’s okay because God is here. And he knows where we all are and He placed us here, together, right where we are in life, to share this year together. He knows exactly what He’s doing. And it’s a good work that He started in us, and he will bring it through to completion. As we sit around the fire I’m struck by how blessed we are. How thankful I am to be here and to get to be a part of this move of God. We will NOT take this for granted. We are blessed to need God, and to not be able to live without Him.

And I feel that now. I can’t live without Him; I can’t go a minute without thanking Him for who He is. And even though I’m about to head into uncertain territory on Tuesday by diving into Right Moves for Youth, my outreach partner, with 2 feet, I’m going to be okay. And I’m going to thank the Lord through it all because I am honored and humbled and blessed to do His work here. Honored to spread His love throughout this neighborhood, among the students of this school.

So Lord, bring on the broken hearts, and the valleys of my faith walk, and the incessant tears, and the nights when I come home with righteous anger at the injustice of the world. Break my heart for those things that break Yours Lord, and give me the nerve to do something about it. Give me the power to change the circumstances for Your glory, let us be foolish enough to believe that we can change the world under the banner of Your Name. Thank you Jesus for being right here with me, and thank you for never letting go.

We are family

We say Amen and our goodnight prayer is over for the night.
We look around at each other and unspokenly agree that we aren't ready for the night to end.
As David heads off into the kitchen to conjure up a batch of sweet potato fries, Dionte reclines on the couch making a phone call, and Rachelle, Michael, Madison and I sit around the living room laughing and having easy conversation over the food network.
Life lessons are being taught.
Dionte and I share a joke across the room, he is having a self-proclaimed "moment" watching his favorite family show - The Fresh Prince of BelAir - with his new family. (awwwwww)
Community is at its best here.
Cups of coffee are offered and we are all high on the spirit, laughing and loving so easily this family that God brought together just 5 days ago.
This is not normal.
Tonight was not normal.
This UrbanLife family - is not normal.
We are part of a move of God through our city. And I am so grateful to be a part of this ministry that I could have never fathomed to have even asked for.
We've certainly had a day today.


The entire house erupts in "you are, my fireeeeeee, my one desireeeeee...tell me whyyyyy ain't nothing but a heart ache" and who knew that 6 strangers could come together and mesh like siblings so easily and so quickly.

Be the Church

I’m staring out a window pane of a house-turned-starbucks reflecting on this day and this place and right now and how God is interwoven among it all.

And cars are turning right. And bushes are lining the streets, and bichon frise’s are wagging tails reigned in from over-sniffing their welcome by older ladies’ leashes. And it’s so Sunday Morning.

This coffee shop.

This atmosphere of sunny outside – early morning coffee and A/C and macbooks inside.

Roommates helping each other begin blogs to document this year of our lives. Learning and laughing and sipping flavored coffee drinks in a corner filled with 3 leather chairs just for us. 

Its just soo Sunday Morning!

We walked to church this morning. All through the city and Uptown Charlotte.

We must have seen 60 CMPD officers stationed there for the DNC. And we said hello to most of them.  

We’ve got a love the world is desperate for (especially this early in the morning).

Seeing our city in the morning is breathtaking. Walking the streets of this city that is yours Lord, it was so very powerful.

We felt it.

We were expectant. We are hungry for your Word.

And Larry and Joel delivered.  

The message challenged us to be the church and not to just go to church.

Isn’t that what we are?

Isn’t that what UrbanLife is all about?

Being the church in this neighborhood and establishing relationships to be able to go out and love these people on the West side? So applicable right now. 

 Thank you Jesus for this opportunity. Thank you for bringing me here. Thank you for choosing me with your amazing grace that I won't ever earn or deserve. Thank you for blessing me day after day. 

The Kickoff

I've been at Urban Life for a day. This is such an incredible mission and incredible people and just a revolutionary environment.

I'm currently sitting out on my porch in an elevated wicker bar stool with my feet up on the balcony railing having a solitary moment surrounded by trees and rainkissed leaves and listening to the hum of the highway and the city right beyond this green covering in my own little corner of the neighborhood that God is going to transform in the next 11 months. 

A huge storm just rolled through here and washed everything clean. It captivated us – well, me. Rachelle, my beautiful roommate and fellow urbanite from Burbank CA came up behind me as I gazed out the window at the storm and asked “do storms have a significance to you?” and then shared with me a story about her friend and the wind.

Little instances. Little stories. 

Brief mentions and recaps of amazing ways in which God has moved. 

Little sentences and encouragements. 

Pearls of wisdom that depart from Rachelle’s ever so wise lips.

  Not without her carefully reviewing and selecting each word she allows to pass through.

 They're such a blessing to me already.

 I have so much to learn from her through this year.

Beginning with the way she encourages and imparts wisdom with such grace and consideration.

The thing is – I couldn’t tell why I was so captivated by a storm blowing through. Was it how close I was to the rain, just a drop away? Able to stand on a porch and watch it pour down on the world, watching the wind blow sheets across this building called the Summit where incredible people have come together to live out community how it should be? Was it this place? Or was it the city? The skyline looming in the background through the storm, such an incredible view of buildings – just buildings, but buildings that represent a population of people that are hurting and in need. Could it be that a mere change of setting could stir up emotions and draw me to this storm that easily? Why was I drawn? Why was I captivated? Why did I have the urge to go out and stand in the rain and witness, just to witness the rain and the thunder and the storm?

I think it was symbolic for us. The washing away of everything we’re coming from. The washing away of the past and stresses and of everything we’ve been through to get here. To be in this sweet spot where we have all, in some way or another, been called to.

We got up this morning at 6:45am and went on a hike to the top of Crowder's Mountain and it was 5.something miles and I'm out of shape.

But we got to the top as a group and we sat around sharing our testimonies and looking out over the city and the surrounding area and sharing our stories and learning about each person’s Come-To-Jesus moment. Little girls playing in the background. Hikers scaling cliffs below us. Snacks being consumed among us.  And it was beautiful – this – this is beautiful. It was such a time of family and of learning and of wanting these people to love me and wanting to love them and to know them too.

This rain, this storm – its cleansing. Its allowing us to starting anew. Its washing away what has been and making everything new and fresh and allowing us to start over. And I’m thankful that I serve a God who leads me according to His plan for my life, holding me close and walking with me every step of the way. Thankful that He is Forgiving in every instance that I doubt in, thankful that He would use me to impact entire neighborhoods. I’m thankful that I was chosen for this ministry. Lord, You’re making all things new – and we are free.

            Free like my vivacious roommate Madison from Wesley Church here in Charlotte. 

Free from summers and seasons of hardship where she fell away from God,

 and free from influences that she rose above. 

Madison has an incredible story of faith at the age of 18. 

She has fresh wounds and she is still processing and learning lessons from those wounds.

 And she’s here, at Urban Life.

 With her radiating love and energetic spirit 

& beaming smile and incredible sense of humor and sillyness.

And I can’t help but blurt out how I love her already as Rachelle and her and I sit on couches in our apartment talking about video blogs and laughing over chips and salsa. I have so much to learn from Madi and so much that I want to impart on her – things I wish someone had told me even though I know she’s nothing like I was when I was that age.

                                                                 (Madison, Rachelle, & I)

This – these girls, this apartment, this community – this is it; this is just where we all need to be. 

It's crazy how God can speak through relationships. Even in a day and a half these beginnings of relationships - they are so different. They are so purposeful. And intentional. I can see how these fundamental internal relationships are so important. How God is working within each of us to allow us to connect with one another. To create a unit of unity to be able to reach this neighborhood. To reach these people and this city through relationships we must first have amazing relationships among ourselves. And God is here, He’s working in us and through us. And these relationships that I’m forming are going to be treasured. I’m not going to take this for granted. I’m going to count these for what they are – pure and undeniable grace as the spirit works through us to bind us together as a family of Urbanites. This is it. It’s here. And I’m so blessed to be a part of this. 

Taking The Leap

I walk.

Walk down the street I’ve walked everyday since I’ve lived here.

Walk the same route I go to get to work every afternoon.

Only this time, today, I see.

I walk it with eyes wide open.

& I see.

See what He has had for me this whole time.

See what I could have been enjoying this whole time and I’m mad at myself for not seeing sooner and for taking days and walks for granted and how many times have I walked this same route and not thanked Him for all he does for me?

How many days have a looked at these same trees and not seen leaf for leaf and butterflies and flowers set there to romance my soul?

How many times have I complained about being restless in a city when peace in the form of open fields and quiet landscapes was right around the corner?

& the sounds of the highway are drowned out.

I don’t notice 4 lanes of cars zooming and city buses braking and horns honking and cross walks beeping.

Instead, I see. And I look up and I smile and I marvel at how He can love someone like me so much to place me here.

How I got here to this beautiful city, on a campus I am blessed to impact.

I marvel at how I came from a village of 1700 to this campus of 26,000.

And I see. I see that He had this for me all along.

That those trees that I am seeing for the first time today, and fighting back tears, were placed there so that one day, I would walk and enjoy them.

I see the grace. and I’m amazed by it.

I feel the sun baking my skin and I’m glad for it. I’m glad for the breeze that comes across my face and the steps I take towards this place.

And as a round the corner to the roof I have over my head I see again.

His grace.

Once more, His provision for me. Eyes wide open, no complaints I see it.

And I see how He placed me here.

 I see this office that I’ve been berated and yelled at in.

Where I turned in checks of money I can’t afford.

Where I’ve had safety issues and broken doors and sliced screens and ground unit break & entry fear.

I see it here. And now.

In the final days of being a resident I see.

His grace surrounds me, I have found favor with the Lord.

^Psalm 23:2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 

And I see how this place, this office, this situation pushed me. How it provided one more struggle to be overcome with a solution.

A solution I was made for.

A solution I was chosen to be a part of, before I was born.

A solution that I’ve been prepared for my whole life.

And as I walk down this hill across this unevenly paved parking lot I hear.

And I see.

I see my path to this home is uneven, and I know the Lord will make straight and even my path into my new home, where I was meant to be all along.

And I praise Him.

Praise Him for His provision.

Praise Him for what He has already done.

Praise Him for comforting me in the mean time, as I trust in the Lord with all of my heart.

And throughout this whole process if I’ve learned one thing it is that the Lord will answer me when I ask of Him.

And He’s shown me.

And its grace.

Its undeserved.

Its unearned, yet it rains down on me. Everyday.

This day. This afternoon. These encounters. This life. This city. This church. Its Here. & its grace. and Im thankful.

That He would give to me. That He would choose me. That He would use me.

And it’s the final days. It’s the home stretch. It’s the last of the countdown.

I have 4 days.

4 days left in this beautiful place, on this beautiful campus with thousands of people to impact everyday. And I’m leaving. And I’ll be on the other side of the city. And I’ll be making new relationships. And it’ll be a new chapter.

And a new chapter will begin in 4 days.

A chapter of world change.

A chapter of transformation.

A chapter that is not to be summarized.

A chapter that is not to be confined or made light of.

A chapter that is nothing less than the greatest year of my life so far.

A chapter to make me like Sunday morning – full of grace and full of Jesus.

A chapter to help me become who I want to be.

A chapter of obedience.

Next Chapter: Urban Life Charlotte

  

I’m scared.

My heart races with anxiety.

I'm vulnerable and I'm doubtful. 

But I am loved.

In this room all alone. Scared and stressed and alone and tomorrow is the day that I change my life. 

I'm not packed and I don't have a subleaser and I don't have $530 to pay my rent this month and pay for UrbanLife. 

I'm not ready to stop serving at Elevation University and to leave my greeter team that is chock-ful of amazing people and mentors and home to LB who tweets encouragement to me during the week and comes up to me on Saturday nights and Sunday mornings and just says "I'm proud of you" and has no idea how I almost cry every time he tells me, and who yells my name across the parking lot to congratulate me on UrbanLife in person and ask me how he can help me. I'm not ready for that kind of support to not be a weekly thing. I'm not ready to not see my familiar campus family of Elevators and feel at home. I'm not ready to start over. 

I'm not ready to leave this campus and to stop having a use for all of my UNC Charlotte facts. I'm so blessed to be in my campus' admissions office and to be so honored for just doing something so simple.

I'm not ready to leave the staff that gathers together in a kitchen to have my favorite food - ice cream cake and wish me well and celebrate me and honor me and thank me. 

I'm just a tour guide. I show half asleep not-even-freshmen-yet around this awesome campus that makes my heart sing with a passion for telling lame jokes and making them understand the gravity of the fact that this college is home to the largest Chick-Fil-A on a college campus in the USA. 

But I chose this.

And its too late to back out.

My classes are cancelled now and my tuition wasn't paid. 

My financial aid is cancelled and I'm not meant to be a student this semester. 

I'm an Urbanite tomorrow. 

& I as much as I know I shouldn't be, I'm afraid.

He tells me not to be.

He tells me to take heart.

He tells me He is with me.

He tells me He will answer me.

He tells me He will provide for me.

He tells me He will bless me.

And I believe Him.

For the first time in my life, these words are coming to life.

And its scary. And beautiful.

And its wonderful when these things come into reality.

And somehow this magnificiant God who created the universe is with me.

Somehow this God who hung the stars and who placed an intricate design of trees around the corner from my house is here. He’s real. He’s with me.

And I believe it. I feel it. I know it. I don’t have to preach it because I have faith that is real and my faith does move mountains and I am in urban life and 2 weeks ago this was only a dream.

And He is the same. Today yesterday and tomorrow.

And how could I have doubted Him?

I’m scared. Scared of this risk and scared of these people and scared of this year.

What if I can’t help?

What if He uses me to lead someone to Him?

What if I play a part in bringing someone closer to Him?

What if I see Him save her? What if I see Him rescue that little boy from darkness?

I took a risk. And I want to become less. So He can become more. 

I want to transform.

I want to be surrounded with who I want to be like.

And I'm scared I won't live up to who they think I am.

But He knows who I am and He placed me here didn’t He?

Thank you.

Thank you Jesus for knowing me. Thank you for accepting me. Here. In this place. Thank you for going with me wherever I go. Thank you that just like I am not alone here right now, that I wont be alone there either.