Retreat

I’m thankful. Thankful for the breeze from the ceiling fan blowing my hair around slightly and putting me at ease. Thankful for my tight and slightly burnt skin that soaked up the sun today on the lake on one of the last days of summer. Thankful for this unlikely family that surrounds me. Thankful for the opportunity for retreat and for bonding with these amazing people that were hand chosen by God to be here at this time for this purpose under this vision. I’m thankful for the jokes we already have together. And for our dynamic that works so well to take any situation and easily transition it into a deep talk about faith or an impromptu worship session. I’m thankful for the blessing of this beautiful house we’re able to stay in this weekend and for Michael’s parents’ generosity in that. I’m thankful to see the relationship he has with his parents – I strive to one day have a relationship like that with mine.

I’m thankful for this setting, thankful that I can see God’s hand in all things so easily – that I can look out across a lawn and some woods and see a sparkling breathtaking lake with picture-esque clouds in a brilliant blue sky and trees of all kinds all around me. And beyond that: rolling mountains with shadows of clouds moving from valley to peak as the day progresses.

Our faith is a journey across mountains. There are valleys, and there are peaks. I’m at the top of the mountain these last few days. I can’t stop praising my God who pours out graces on me daily, undeserved, just because He loves me! My Father loves me.  I was richly blessed by God and received a miracle a few days ago. God provided for me in a very real and AWESOME way; right on time. I needed rent money or a subleaser for the apartment that I moved out of in the University area to join UrbanLife. I struggled to trust in God fully, I still gave in to a few anxiety attacks over money even when He led me multiple verses in Scripture that told me He would provide, He would help me, and that If I asked in faith, that He would give it to me. My rent was due on September 1, and that day came and went without an answer to my fervent prayers to God for financial help. I retreated to a quiet place to pray that day, and I pleaded to God to provide for me. I surrendered to Him, and I got a response a few days later: “Not yet, my child.”

God’s timing is perfect – and just like I learned from Christine Caine in the message preached when Jesus saved me – God’s appointed time is often after man’s due date. So I trusted. I trusted that God had my back. And I prayed, I prayed with the Urbanites on the morning of September 5^th (the last day to pay my rent) that I would have a miracle. That God would hear my cry. That the exact amount would be provided for me that day, and sure enough, at about 5pm that day I was blessed with $530, the exact amount. I had words of life spoken into me by an incredible spiritual mother who loves me as I received the blessing and was overwhelmed with praise for MY GOD WHO PROVIDES. Thank you Jesus. I praise you Lord!! I had time to get the money back to the university area and paid my rent on time thanks to an amazing man of God who always has my back and helped me get there. And thus, my confirmation that I am exactly where I need to be came. And UrbanLife had its first miracle in the first week.

This weekend we are at Michael’s family’s lakehouse. We’re celebrating miracles, we’re bonding, we’re casting vision, we’re brainstorming, and we are creating an atmosphere of expectation as we go forward in this year. We went out on the lake today. We jumped off of docks and my finger was smashed between the ladder and the dock within the first 2 minutes of lake fun resulting in a very swollen, purple pinky that was assuaged by Michael’s ancient remedy solution: a bowl of ice water for soaking. We then went out tubing on the boat and hung on until our arms felt like Jello and our legs couldn’t kick hard enough to get back up on the tube. The view was breathtaking and more than a few times I was struck by how richly blessed we are to be here, to be a part of this family, to be Urbanites, and to get to do God’s work. We had a blast.

Tonight we sat around playing board games, ate a barbeque dinner graciously prepared by Rachelle who honors us by cooking for the whole house so often. She’s amazing at showing love with her little notes and her meals and her hugs and the way she comes up to you in the middle of the day and says “I love you.” so sincerely.

After dinner most of the family went down to the campfire to cook and eat s’mores and look out over the lake at night as Mike played a soundtrack on his guitar. (There are stars way out here and the moon hung half full and bright and yellow in the sky. ) Dionte and I stayed up at the house and he read some of the book of Ecclesiastes out loud to me and we discussed what we read and some of what God is currently teaching us. I am so thankful for the way we communicate – no need for small talk we just dive right into such personal things as what God speaking to us now. Its amazing, and I’m grateful for this unencumbered conversation that binds us close and keeps us here, united together.

When Dionte and I made it down to the fire, everyone was quiet and staring out over the lake, up that the stars, sitting together in community with the ones we love around a blazing fire, for Our God is a consuming fire, with stars and the moon above us and the trees around us and the dirt beneath us its beautiful. And this moment is here and God’s grace is real and I feel joy in my heart all together. And suddenly, David is asking us what’s on our hearts. And Dionte responds with a shout of praise, and Rachelle’s heart is breaking for the world, and I am having a revolation among the heartbreak and the thankfulness and the uncertainty and the worship and the praise that is occurring out on this lake tonight. Around this fire. Under this sky. With these people. And the revolation is real – and I need to share.

I’m okay. I’m moldable and I’m new to my faith and I don’t know all the bible stories and I don’t ask as many questions as I probably should and I haven’t read the entire bible yet and sometimes I don’t know the words to the worship songs. And that’s okay. And yes, sometimes I have faith that looks easy, juvenile even. But its okay. God knows where I am, He knows who I am, and He knows what He’s teaching me. Its okay for me to be the grateful one – that I can contribute the praise to my Father in Heaven. It’s okay that I take things God teaches me as truth without questioning it. And its okay that I’m still learning and growing with the Lord as our own pace, independent from others’ faith walks. Its okay. Just like its okay that Natalie is in school right now and can’t live in the Summit, and that David is in his first leadership role and feels ill-equipped to lead us, and okay that Rachelle asks amazingly well thought out questions about things she sees, and Madison is the youngest at 18 and that’s okay because God is here. And he knows where we all are and He placed us here, together, right where we are in life, to share this year together. He knows exactly what He’s doing. And it’s a good work that He started in us, and he will bring it through to completion. As we sit around the fire I’m struck by how blessed we are. How thankful I am to be here and to get to be a part of this move of God. We will NOT take this for granted. We are blessed to need God, and to not be able to live without Him.

And I feel that now. I can’t live without Him; I can’t go a minute without thanking Him for who He is. And even though I’m about to head into uncertain territory on Tuesday by diving into Right Moves for Youth, my outreach partner, with 2 feet, I’m going to be okay. And I’m going to thank the Lord through it all because I am honored and humbled and blessed to do His work here. Honored to spread His love throughout this neighborhood, among the students of this school.

So Lord, bring on the broken hearts, and the valleys of my faith walk, and the incessant tears, and the nights when I come home with righteous anger at the injustice of the world. Break my heart for those things that break Yours Lord, and give me the nerve to do something about it. Give me the power to change the circumstances for Your glory, let us be foolish enough to believe that we can change the world under the banner of Your Name. Thank you Jesus for being right here with me, and thank you for never letting go.