Taking The Leap

I walk.

Walk down the street I’ve walked everyday since I’ve lived here.

Walk the same route I go to get to work every afternoon.

Only this time, today, I see.

I walk it with eyes wide open.

& I see.

See what He has had for me this whole time.

See what I could have been enjoying this whole time and I’m mad at myself for not seeing sooner and for taking days and walks for granted and how many times have I walked this same route and not thanked Him for all he does for me?

How many days have a looked at these same trees and not seen leaf for leaf and butterflies and flowers set there to romance my soul?

How many times have I complained about being restless in a city when peace in the form of open fields and quiet landscapes was right around the corner?

& the sounds of the highway are drowned out.

I don’t notice 4 lanes of cars zooming and city buses braking and horns honking and cross walks beeping.

Instead, I see. And I look up and I smile and I marvel at how He can love someone like me so much to place me here.

How I got here to this beautiful city, on a campus I am blessed to impact.

I marvel at how I came from a village of 1700 to this campus of 26,000.

And I see. I see that He had this for me all along.

That those trees that I am seeing for the first time today, and fighting back tears, were placed there so that one day, I would walk and enjoy them.

I see the grace. and I’m amazed by it.

I feel the sun baking my skin and I’m glad for it. I’m glad for the breeze that comes across my face and the steps I take towards this place.

And as a round the corner to the roof I have over my head I see again.

His grace.

Once more, His provision for me. Eyes wide open, no complaints I see it.

And I see how He placed me here.

 I see this office that I’ve been berated and yelled at in.

Where I turned in checks of money I can’t afford.

Where I’ve had safety issues and broken doors and sliced screens and ground unit break & entry fear.

I see it here. And now.

In the final days of being a resident I see.

His grace surrounds me, I have found favor with the Lord.

^Psalm 23:2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 

And I see how this place, this office, this situation pushed me. How it provided one more struggle to be overcome with a solution.

A solution I was made for.

A solution I was chosen to be a part of, before I was born.

A solution that I’ve been prepared for my whole life.

And as I walk down this hill across this unevenly paved parking lot I hear.

And I see.

I see my path to this home is uneven, and I know the Lord will make straight and even my path into my new home, where I was meant to be all along.

And I praise Him.

Praise Him for His provision.

Praise Him for what He has already done.

Praise Him for comforting me in the mean time, as I trust in the Lord with all of my heart.

And throughout this whole process if I’ve learned one thing it is that the Lord will answer me when I ask of Him.

And He’s shown me.

And its grace.

Its undeserved.

Its unearned, yet it rains down on me. Everyday.

This day. This afternoon. These encounters. This life. This city. This church. Its Here. & its grace. and Im thankful.

That He would give to me. That He would choose me. That He would use me.

And it’s the final days. It’s the home stretch. It’s the last of the countdown.

I have 4 days.

4 days left in this beautiful place, on this beautiful campus with thousands of people to impact everyday. And I’m leaving. And I’ll be on the other side of the city. And I’ll be making new relationships. And it’ll be a new chapter.

And a new chapter will begin in 4 days.

A chapter of world change.

A chapter of transformation.

A chapter that is not to be summarized.

A chapter that is not to be confined or made light of.

A chapter that is nothing less than the greatest year of my life so far.

A chapter to make me like Sunday morning – full of grace and full of Jesus.

A chapter to help me become who I want to be.

A chapter of obedience.

Next Chapter: Urban Life Charlotte

  

I’m scared.

My heart races with anxiety.

I'm vulnerable and I'm doubtful. 

But I am loved.

In this room all alone. Scared and stressed and alone and tomorrow is the day that I change my life. 

I'm not packed and I don't have a subleaser and I don't have $530 to pay my rent this month and pay for UrbanLife. 

I'm not ready to stop serving at Elevation University and to leave my greeter team that is chock-ful of amazing people and mentors and home to LB who tweets encouragement to me during the week and comes up to me on Saturday nights and Sunday mornings and just says "I'm proud of you" and has no idea how I almost cry every time he tells me, and who yells my name across the parking lot to congratulate me on UrbanLife in person and ask me how he can help me. I'm not ready for that kind of support to not be a weekly thing. I'm not ready to not see my familiar campus family of Elevators and feel at home. I'm not ready to start over. 

I'm not ready to leave this campus and to stop having a use for all of my UNC Charlotte facts. I'm so blessed to be in my campus' admissions office and to be so honored for just doing something so simple.

I'm not ready to leave the staff that gathers together in a kitchen to have my favorite food - ice cream cake and wish me well and celebrate me and honor me and thank me. 

I'm just a tour guide. I show half asleep not-even-freshmen-yet around this awesome campus that makes my heart sing with a passion for telling lame jokes and making them understand the gravity of the fact that this college is home to the largest Chick-Fil-A on a college campus in the USA. 

But I chose this.

And its too late to back out.

My classes are cancelled now and my tuition wasn't paid. 

My financial aid is cancelled and I'm not meant to be a student this semester. 

I'm an Urbanite tomorrow. 

& I as much as I know I shouldn't be, I'm afraid.

He tells me not to be.

He tells me to take heart.

He tells me He is with me.

He tells me He will answer me.

He tells me He will provide for me.

He tells me He will bless me.

And I believe Him.

For the first time in my life, these words are coming to life.

And its scary. And beautiful.

And its wonderful when these things come into reality.

And somehow this magnificiant God who created the universe is with me.

Somehow this God who hung the stars and who placed an intricate design of trees around the corner from my house is here. He’s real. He’s with me.

And I believe it. I feel it. I know it. I don’t have to preach it because I have faith that is real and my faith does move mountains and I am in urban life and 2 weeks ago this was only a dream.

And He is the same. Today yesterday and tomorrow.

And how could I have doubted Him?

I’m scared. Scared of this risk and scared of these people and scared of this year.

What if I can’t help?

What if He uses me to lead someone to Him?

What if I play a part in bringing someone closer to Him?

What if I see Him save her? What if I see Him rescue that little boy from darkness?

I took a risk. And I want to become less. So He can become more. 

I want to transform.

I want to be surrounded with who I want to be like.

And I'm scared I won't live up to who they think I am.

But He knows who I am and He placed me here didn’t He?

Thank you.

Thank you Jesus for knowing me. Thank you for accepting me. Here. In this place. Thank you for going with me wherever I go. Thank you that just like I am not alone here right now, that I wont be alone there either.